There is beauty in tragedy. Let us look to Jesus who endured the highest price for His sheep, even for the worst sinners of them all. Although He endured a false trial, false torture, and false execution, He turned what was intended for evil into the highest good through His death and resurrection. Behold: He has risen! 

Anonymous Said: From a Christian standpoint, in the context of marriage are acts associated with BDSM ok? Now, there are some things that obviously are not ok. So maybe think more along the lines of domestic discipline. Say you have a dominate personality and your partner a submissive one is taking on those roles in and outside of the bedroom ok? Or say your a sadist and a your partner is a masochist, is inflicting pain or asking your partner to inflict pain ok?


I said:

Thanks for the question! I will explain what a Christian marriage is and what it isn’t. The Bible doesn’t necessarily mention what can and cannot be done during sex, but it does give us guidelines that we can live by. Feel free to read Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 7, and the entire book of Song of Solomon. 


The Christian faith does not contain a rulebook for what can and cannot be done during sex. The point of sex is to unify and join together the husband and wife. It is not there for mere pleasure and self-gratification, but it is to serve one another in the most affectionate, passionate way possible.

Having said that, the purpose of the Christian marriage is to serve one another and never to dominate. Outside of the bedroom, a desire to control and dominate a spouse is not what Christ intended with His image of marriage. He intended to show how He gave up Himself for His church by having the husband and wife serve each other with love. Inside of the bedroom, the Bible leaves room for role-play and what have you, but the point of sex is to unify together, not to dominate or “get what you can.”

As well, pornography has had a large influence on society for what “good” sex looks like. It paints the picture that sex is for self-pleasure, and not to lovingly serve a spouse and enjoy each other. Sex ought to be selfless, not selfish. As the porn industry grew, it created more and more “extreme” forms of sexual acts in order to grab attention and offer something new. While it may have looked attractive, it was and is hurting many of the women who act in it. Now, men and women have a picture for what good sex looks like, and it has everything to do with the acts performed instead of the spouse that they have committed their lives to. It is selfish, not selfless. If you are hurting your spouse, you must repent and remember that sex is done in glory to God, and what is done selfishly can only gratify the flesh but never a renewed spirit.

Without getting into detail, there are different degrees of what is considered painful and what draws the line between fun and harmful. Communication is important, so a talk with your spouse and some marriage counseling with your pastor is the best advise I could give. Some guidelines are:

1. Am I being demanding and selfish with my behavior?

2. Am I using my spouse in order to get what I want?

3. Am I allowing society and pornography to pervert my perception of sex?

4. Do I care more about myself or about my spouse, in and out of the bedroom?

I hope this helped. I’d have to have an actual conversation with you concerning this topic because it is rather broad, so feel free to shoot me an E-mail if you want to continue the discussion. You can find my address in my description. If you are looking for a Christian who is married, I suggest my friend, Johnnyis.

If you have any questions or comments concerning anything else, feel free to ask.

God Bless,

Samuel Assaf

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil."

— Ephesians 4:26-27

"I don’t want to know where I’d be without forgiveness brushing these adulterous lips."

— As Cities Burn

Christians, don’t be as disobedient children. Listen to your Father before He raises His voice. (Jonah 2)

"Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them."

— Jonah 2:8

"He taught us to give life and love a wife like He loved the Church, without seeing how many hearts we can break first."

— Lecrae, Just Like You

"Crashing waves calm at Your feet
Yet further still my body sinks
I am a man of little faith
But I will learn to love You
And abandon the rest, abandon the rest."

— Phinehas, WWII

On Modesty.

Today, there are many women who are focused on the topic of what they can and cannot wear and how men should react to their decisions in these areas. Understandably, a lot of harm has been done by both men and women alike. The focus has become outward and not inward. Consequentially, the definition of modesty has become skewed. To help clear up this confusion, I want to speak to my Christian brothers and sisters about what modesty is and what it isn’t. Let’s begin.

Modesty is not:

  1. Wearing specific clothing.
  2. Making sure you do not look attractive.
  3. An outward issue that helps other people.
  4. Only for women.

Modesty is:

  1. A heart not focused on materialistic value
  2. Practicing frugality and humility to benefit others
  3. Beauty on the inside that flows outward
  4. Being an example of what is important in life

You see, what is in the heart will surface in our actions. We serve a God that judges the heart, not the actions. He looks at our intentions because ultimately that is what will produce good or evil actions. Therefore, when it comes to modesty, He is not judging your clothing and if your belly button sticks out. He is searching your heart. 

What is in your heart? 

Having said that, what is in your heart? Men, are you blaming women for your decision to lust? If you are, you are excusing yourself from your responsibility to respect God’s daughters. Women, are you excusing yourselves from your responsibility to dress appropriately? If you are, you are refusing to respect the body that God has given you. 

Having said that, let’s reverse the questions. Men, are you excusing yourselves from your responsibility to respect the body God has given you? Women, are you blaming men for your decision to lust? These questions are not gender specific! God does not judge a man or a woman differently. He is impartial to gender. 

What about the body?
You see, we all have the same responsibility when it comes to our bodies. When God created humanity, he designed our bodies to be exciting and powerful, and this demands respect. Any able-bodied man and woman understands that temptation is stalking daily. It is never sleeping.

Because I am a man, I will speak to the men regarding sexual temptation. Yes, when a woman dresses inappropriately temptation is increased. This is just simple fact and every man knows the results of this. However, this does not mean the woman is to blame for the man staring a second too long or looking back for a second glance. This is entirely the man’s fault. Instead of focusing on her outer appearance, men need to pray for and love these women as God’s daughters, and nothing less. Even if a woman is completely naked, she is still not an object or a temptation. She is still a human being created in the image of God! You have no right to blame her for your desecration of God’s creation. 

Now Christian ladies, as your brother, please allow me to speak to you. I’m about to tell you something you’ve heard a million times, but I promise you this will end differently. Your body is powerful. When it is unveiled, a man’s eyes are drawn, his mind is excited, and his body is awakened. With all reverence for beauty and the way God has made you, your body is reserved for your husband and his eyes only. Even if you already have sexual experience outside of marriage (whether you were willing or not), your body is still reserved for your husband. So when your body is disrespected by anyone, you are not “damaged goods” or “seconds” for anybody. In fact, your modesty and purity are completely separate from your sexual past and the way you dress!To my knowledge, Scripture has never equated purity to sexuality. It has always been about the heart and its sinful condition in the sight of God! Having said that, please be encouraged to know that you can continue respecting your body and demanding respect from everyone else, because you are worthy of respect, honor, and praise in the sight of Christ, who has cleansed you. Just never forget that you must respect the body God has given you, just in the same way men must respect their own bodies as well. 

So what does Scripture have to say about modesty?

Ladies, God has revealed to you in His word that you must not be focused on outward appearances, but that you must be focused on doing the will of God. 

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” - 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

So this is what Scripture is saying: You are more than the way you look and dress! Modesty is not outward; it is internal. If you lack modesty, you will be focused on your outside appearance, and not on the inward development of your character as you learn from the leadership of Christ! Modesty is not found in fancy hair, expensive jewelry, or clothing. It is found in your heart that is transformed by Christ!

What’s the point? 

Having said all of this, I want to make one point clear. If you could walk away after reading any of this, what I’m about to say is all I could ever want you to leave with. Ladies and gentlemen, your body is not your own, it is God’s! As Christians, we have absolutely no right to do with our bodies as we please. Instead, we obey what Scripture has commanded:

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. - Romans 12:1-2

Don’t focus on what the world has told you about men or women. Women are not objects and men are not dogs! Instead, my brothers and sisters, remember that Christ has bought us with His own blood, and we have committed our entire lives to Him. That means we are to honour God with the way we dress, talk, act, live, and breathe. With whatever we do, we are to strive to ensure our actions are good, acceptable, and perfect in the sight of God. Our bodies are not our own, they were bought with a price and are now God’s!

So as you now move on to continue with your daily life, please remember that we are family. As brothers and sisters, we need to help each other in our walks with Christ by forgiving and looking past the shortcomings of one other and being full of encouragement and support! We are all the Body of Christ, and I pray that we will continue to be united until the glorious return of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. 

With great love, 

Samuel Assaf

As Cities Burn Poster

As Cities Burn Poster

Men,

Never disregard the impact your father has had on you, and never underestimate the impact you will have on your sons.  Fathers are powerful. They shape the next generation of men with joy and protection, or pain and absence. Use your legacy wisely.

"All truth and no love is brutality.
All love and no truth is hypocrisy."

— James Mcdonald

I see no end to Your flowing grace
You sow life in the deepest of graves

Blindly, we held Your hand and threw You down.
We cursed Your name, turned our backs, and begged You to embrace us.

"The critical question for our generation—and for every generation—
is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the
friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and
all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties
you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no
human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with
heaven, if Christ were not there?"

— John Piper