Anonymous Said: From a Christian standpoint, in the context of marriage are acts associated with BDSM ok? Now, there are some things that obviously are not ok. So maybe think more along the lines of domestic discipline. Say you have a dominate personality and your partner a submissive one is taking on those roles in and outside of the bedroom ok? Or say your a sadist and a your partner is a masochist, is inflicting pain or asking your partner to inflict pain ok?


I said:

Thanks for the question! I will explain what a Christian marriage is and what it isn’t. The Bible doesn’t necessarily mention what can and cannot be done during sex, but it does give us guidelines that we can live by. Feel free to read Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 7, and the entire book of Song of Solomon. 


The Christian faith does not contain a rulebook for what can and cannot be done during sex. The point of sex is to unify and join together the husband and wife. It is not there for mere pleasure and self-gratification, but it is to serve one another in the most affectionate, passionate way possible.

Having said that, the purpose of the Christian marriage is to serve one another and never to dominate. Outside of the bedroom, a desire to control and dominate a spouse is not what Christ intended with His image of marriage. He intended to show how He gave up Himself for His church by having the husband and wife serve each other with love. Inside of the bedroom, the Bible leaves room for role-play and what have you, but the point of sex is to unify together, not to dominate or “get what you can.”

As well, pornography has had a large influence on society for what “good” sex looks like. It paints the picture that sex is for self-pleasure, and not to lovingly serve a spouse and enjoy each other. Sex ought to be selfless, not selfish. As the porn industry grew, it created more and more “extreme” forms of sexual acts in order to grab attention and offer something new. While it may have looked attractive, it was and is hurting many of the women who act in it. Now, men and women have a picture for what good sex looks like, and it has everything to do with the acts performed instead of the spouse that they have committed their lives to. It is selfish, not selfless. If you are hurting your spouse, you must repent and remember that sex is done in glory to God, and what is done selfishly can only gratify the flesh but never a renewed spirit.

Without getting into detail, there are different degrees of what is considered painful and what draws the line between fun and harmful. Communication is important, so a talk with your spouse and some marriage counseling with your pastor is the best advise I could give. Some guidelines are:

1. Am I being demanding and selfish with my behavior?

2. Am I using my spouse in order to get what I want?

3. Am I allowing society and pornography to pervert my perception of sex?

4. Do I care more about myself or about my spouse, in and out of the bedroom?

I hope this helped. I’d have to have an actual conversation with you concerning this topic because it is rather broad, so feel free to shoot me an E-mail if you want to continue the discussion. You can find my address in my description. If you are looking for a Christian who is married, I suggest my friend, Johnnyis.

If you have any questions or comments concerning anything else, feel free to ask.

God Bless,

Samuel Assaf

Even the worst of mankind cannot disrupt Sovereignty.

"I don’t want to know where I’d be without forgiveness brushing these adulterous lips."

— As Cities Burn

Christians,

No sin is a secret. Come into the light and give what you cannot hide to Jesus. 

Christians,

Don’t increase your sensuality; increase your spirituality. Put God first, especially with your body. 

"People do not drift toward Holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated."

— D.A. Carson

You buried the chance in a self-righteous glance
So your sons and your daughters were safe
But your imperfect path is a heart made of glass
And the world is a charming grenade. 

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the Lord will be my light."

— Micah 7:8

"Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them."

— Jonah 2:8

The plain truth about overcoming your sin:

Don’t think about a yellow brick road.

Why did you think about a yellow brick road? Just stop thinking about the yellow brick road and you will stop thinking about the yellow brick road! 

You see, the more you think and focus on your sin, the further away you will be from overcoming it. Instead, think about Jesus and what He wants you to do and what He did for you. You cannot fix your sin, but Jesus can. Whatever you struggle with in this life, don’t let that sin be a distraction. Leave it behind you and press onward. 

The closer you get to Christ, the further you’ll get from sin. 


The Tumblr Question: Is Cussing a Sin?

Anonymous said: Growing up I was always taught cussing was a sin, but lately I’ve been hearing from a lot of people claiming to be christian that it isn’t a sin. I am kind of confussed by the whole matter. I was wondering what you thought, and what is scripture supporting and/or not supporting the arguements? Thank you for your time


I said:

Thanks for the great question! 

Tumblr is filled with many people who claim to be Christian yet hold many different views. One says that sexual activity outside of marriage is encouraged, another says drunkardness is not condemned by Scripture, and another says that Jesus is not the only way to Heaven. Being surrounded by all sorts of opinions, how do we discern what true, Biblical Christianity teaches? Well, we read the Bible. For Christians, whatever Scripture teaches is to be believed. If you disagree with the Bible, you cannot really call yourself a Christian. It’s like being a Muslim but not holding to the Koran. It just does not make sense.

So, let’s figure out this topic of cussing. Let’s start off with a more general question: Is offensive language condemned in the Bible?

The answer is: it depends.


Scripture has times in the Bible where God uses offensive language in order to communicate the truth. In Isaiah 64:6, God says to Israel that their righteous acts are like used menstrual pads. In the Gospels, Jesus calls the pharisees a brood of vipers, white washed tombs, and blind guides. There are many more examples of offensive language being used, but you get the idea.

Yet, Jesus said: 

"But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell." - Matthew 5:22


So what’s the difference between Matthew 5:22 and the more offensive parts of Scripture? One is done in a way that brings truth and awakening, and another is done in anger and sin. 

Here is what Scripture says: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” - Colossians 4:6

We need to know how to answer everyone. This doesn’t mean we can go around insulting people with the language we use, but it doesn’t mean that we need to beat around the bush to explain a point. 99% of the time, offensive language will be unnecessary and harmful. Whenever Scripture uses offensive language, it is over big situations that needed a vital correction. It was never over petty squabbles. 


It is important not to justify your use of language with Scripture, but rather let Scripture determine whether or not what you are saying is full of grace and seasoned with salt. Too many Christians say “Jesus did it” and then abuse the principle. Don’t do that. Instead, find out why Jesus did it and understand that your use of offensive language probably isn’t justified. 



Having said that, let’s get down to the more specific question: What does Scripture say about cussing? 

When it comes to vulgar, harsh words used to bring emphasis to one’s sentence, Scripture doesn’t specifically say anything. But it does give many guidelines about the way we should talk. Here are a couple:

Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving” - Ephesians 5:4

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." - Ephesians 4:29 

Basically, if what you are saying is derogatory, sexually influenced, or destructive, you are disobeying Scripture. Having said that, we can easily derive from here that cussing is an unnecessary, irrelevant part of language. It is not needed to communicate any point, and it can only harm those who hear it. No one can argue from Scripture that cussing is approved. At the same time, I cannot argue from Scripture that cussing is prohibited. 

So we must ask ourselves, what is the wisest decision to make? Do we use language that has the potential to needlessly offend others just because we like it? Or do we be more careful with the way we speak in order to be a better example and light to the world? Cussing has never edified anyone, but it has been used to hurt a lot of people.

In the end, cussing is a worldly device used for expression. Scripture does not say “Thou shalt not drop the F-bomb.” It gives us principles and guidelines. So ultimately, I have to pull the Romans 14 card:

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” - Romans 14:13

It’s a heart issue. When Scripture doesn’t say anything, I will not make it say something. I can argue from outside the Bible that cussing is not helpful and is more often damaging than harmless, but I cannot use Scripture to justify my position. The only thing I can say is that if you are using any language to hurt someone, you are in sin. 

So there you have it. Personally, I think cussing is unnecessary and potentially damaging. Biblically, your speech should always be edifying; your speech should never be destructive.


Thank you for the great question! If you have a response or another pondering, do not hesitate to message me.

God bless and much love,

Samuel Assaf

Let us not point the finger unless we point to our own selves.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” - Matthew 7:1-2

We all need saving. Thank you Jesus, for I have sinned.

"Following Jesus is not going to make you wealthy. Following Jesus does not guarantee that you are going to be healthy. The message of Scripture and the Gospel of Christ is not that, in following Him, everything goes right, but that He is enough no matter what happens. That’s the message of the Gospel! This is not about what Jesus can get you, it’s just about Jesus. Pre-eminent, top of the chain, nothing else to want, nothing else to pursue. He is enough!"

— Matt Chandler

If I inspire people to be like me and notice my gifts and abilities instead of the person of Jesus, I have failed miserably as a Christian.

Repentance.

When we read our Bibles, we come across so many stories of Jesus. All of the time, they have to do with people. For the most part, it all ends the same way. People turn from their sin. Jesus would call people to repent, and they would. He would tell them “Go and sin no more.”

Today, we seem to embrace sin. Instead of showing people the right way to go, we have grown passive in our evangelism. We are quick to accept and embrace the life decisions that our peers are making. We don’t hold the line of truth and show the way of love. Instead, we tell them "Go and sin some more." 

Yes, we cannot force our beliefs down people’s throats, but we can give them the option to choose Christianity. Instead of shrinking back and avoiding the awkward friction and tension, we can take a risk and give the option of life. It is strange today to think that Jesus hung out at parties with sinners and embraced their sin. He never did. Everyone knew who Jesus was and what He was about. He made that very clear.

So my prayer for all of us is that we will make ourselves very clear. That we are going about our Father’s business. That we are embassador’s of Christ. That we are not perfect, but forgiven and repentant. 

God bless and much love,

Samuel Assaf