Anonymous Said: From a Christian standpoint, in the context of marriage are acts associated with BDSM ok? Now, there are some things that obviously are not ok. So maybe think more along the lines of domestic discipline. Say you have a dominate personality and your partner a submissive one is taking on those roles in and outside of the bedroom ok? Or say your a sadist and a your partner is a masochist, is inflicting pain or asking your partner to inflict pain ok?
Thanks for the question! I will explain what a Christian marriage is and what it isn’t. The Bible doesn’t necessarily mention what can and cannot be done during sex, but it does give us guidelines that we can live by. Feel free to read Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 7, and the entire book of Song of Solomon.
The Christian faith does not contain a rulebook for what can and cannot be done during sex. The point of sex is to unify and join together the husband and wife. It is not there for mere pleasure and self-gratification, but it is to serve one another in the most affectionate, passionate way possible.
Having said that, the purpose of the Christian marriage is to serve one another and never to dominate. Outside of the bedroom, a desire to control and dominate a spouse is not what Christ intended with His image of marriage. He intended to show how He gave up Himself for His church by having the husband and wife serve each other with love. Inside of the bedroom, the Bible leaves room for role-play and what have you, but the point of sex is to unify together, not to dominate or “get what you can.”
As well, pornography has had a large influence on society for what “good” sex looks like. It paints the picture that sex is for self-pleasure, and not to lovingly serve a spouse and enjoy each other. Sex ought to be selfless, not selfish. As the porn industry grew, it created more and more “extreme” forms of sexual acts in order to grab attention and offer something new. While it may have looked attractive, it was and is hurting many of the women who act in it. Now, men and women have a picture for what good sex looks like, and it has everything to do with the acts performed instead of the spouse that they have committed their lives to. It is selfish, not selfless. If you are hurting your spouse, you must repent and remember that sex is done in glory to God, and what is done selfishly can only gratify the flesh but never a renewed spirit.
Without getting into detail, there are different degrees of what is considered painful and what draws the line between fun and harmful. Communication is important, so a talk with your spouse and some marriage counseling with your pastor is the best advise I could give. Some guidelines are:
1. Am I being demanding and selfish with my behavior?
2. Am I using my spouse in order to get what I want?
3. Am I allowing society and pornography to pervert my perception of sex?
4. Do I care more about myself or about my spouse, in and out of the bedroom?
I hope this helped. I’d have to have an actual conversation with you concerning this topic because it is rather broad, so feel free to shoot me an E-mail if you want to continue the discussion. You can find my address in my description. If you are looking for a Christian who is married, I suggest my friend, Johnnyis.
If you have any questions or comments concerning anything else, feel free to ask.